Reflection/story time...bare with me.
I'm a 27 year old independent, single female and I can barely remember a time when I haven't been searching for love and value. I live in a culture where I am taught to compare myself. I felt like being single was looked down upon. Everyone in the south gets married so young. Being a size 12 was definitely not ideal. And not wearing a ton of makeup meant that I wasn’t very “feminine” or it was one of the reasons I wasn't going to find a boyfriend. For a while it made me bitter. For a while I thought I had no other choice but continue to compare; wish and want for things that would never be mine, to be different than how God made me. For a while, my faith in Christ wasn't enough; I didn't allow Him to be enough for me. This was a good chunk of my life. Trying to please the world, while beating myself up. It's heartbreaking, really. I know a lot of young (and even old) girls/women feel this way.
2006 changed that.
In 2006, I made a vow to Christ that, even when it seems near impossible for Him to be enough for me, I would draw close to Him; He would be my source of love and value. And how do I even begin to explain how the last 10 years have gone?! Bumpy doesn’t really do it justice. I mean, sure, life has ebbs and flows; its ups and downs. There’s always good and bad. All of that was really cliche, but I say this because it’s true.
*The ebbs and flows are real guys*
I had this dumb boy in my life over a span of like 5 years that made me question if real men of God really do exist. I also graduated from college with a Bachelor’s degree in Graphic Design and got an awesome job. My parents got divorced and turned my world upside down in the worst way; I felt depressed. But I’ve also gotten to travel literally all around the world and meet some amazing people. I still hear the enemy tell me I'm fat and that no man will ever want to marry me. But I have been blessed to be a part of a very strong community of women and lead this group of girls who want to dig deep in the Word of God.
My question is: Are we going to let the 'downs' defeat us?
Through the times when things aren't going your way and you're so deep inside a situation that you have no control over, are you going to stand firm in your foundation or let it drown you? God calls us to a 'holy' life and most of us have heard that it means to be 'set apart'. When the world tells you to lash out, hurt yourself, or believe the lies...let's remember: We will never be able to control the words or actions of anyone else, but we can control how we react. We can choose joy in the midst of pain. Does that mean it won't hurt still? HECK NO. It's gonna hurt. But do we believe we can hold tight to the joy that Christ instills inside of us? Or do we choose to let the hurt overwhelm us and affect all of our other decisions and our attitude towards others?
Through the last 10 years, both of my sisters have gotten married and had a total of 7 children. My 3 best friends have all gotten married and had a total of 6 children. Most of the women I'm closest to are teaching me what it looks like to be a wife and mother. I'm able to learn from women I respect. Women who are doing their best to follow after Christ in their marriages and their motherhood. And let me tell ya (from the outside) IT AIN'T EASY!! Their husbands don't complete them. They have good and bad days still. Marriage didn't fix everything.
Fast forward to 2017.
The beginning of a "Brave New World." A world where instead of giving in to the enemies lies, I will FIGHT battles for my God, the Defeater of evil. I will be BOLD in the name of Christ to overcome the never-ending battle of my longing for love. I will be CONFIDENT in who I am in Christ and my likeness of Him. I will be BRAVE to share the LOVE and goodness that He has to offer the world! I will not be silent or exchange TRUTH for acceptance.
I don't know a lot, and I definitely don't think I'm a very good writer, but I do think I could write a book about singleness and this "blog" is going to be a good outlet for me to write down things I'm learning on my journey. I pray that those who follow along would be encouraged and feel a sense of unity. You are not alone in this. Life is hard. But when it comes down to it...The Kingdom is everything and we are nothing without it.